"Misautogeny"

I have not been long in the training industry and I am still building my credentials and reputation so I am a bit uneasy when one Igorot organization invited me to conduct a personality development training for them. Not that I am not confident with my craft but I am unsure of the best approach to use. Every good trainer will first study the demographics of the intended audience to calibrate the training and come up with better impact. Ironic that I am one of them yet I am not sure how to deal with them.The fact that I was unpopular and unappreciated back at my hometown may have conditioned me to be too aloof of the idea of doing my thing with my own people.

Among those who attended the training, only the person who recommended my services was aware that I am an Igorot. Even during the introduction, I have not made an effort to tell the crowd where I came from and what my ethnicity is. I am afraid that making it known to them might affect how they view me as a trainer. I am not sure where I have picked that absurdity but it sure stuck in my mind that time.

A day passed and the training went smoothly. There are times that the participants struggled on expressing their thoughts in English or Tagalog but I opted not to reach out using our local vernacular. The revelation only came during the open forum. While soliciting questions from the crowd, this old gentleman kept asking something and had this difficulty to phrase it in English- I was touched by his desire to learn that I forgot my inhibitions. I asked him in the local tongue what he wanted to know and he laughed. Everyone laughed and asked why I know their dialect. I just smiled and asked the old man about his question.

At the end of the training, the moderator asked the leaders to deliver the usual speeches of gratitude to the resource speakers and those who attended. The old gentleman did talk and what he said touched me even more.

 "I am very glad that one among us can do something that you just did"

On some other occasions, these words might be too ordinary to hear. But hearing it from the old man with all the sincerity and respect made me very happy. Somehow the feeling of acceptance and appreciation from someone of your kind made all those doubts go away. I am not sure if a similar group will ever invite me again, but I am sure that should that chance come again- I will have no fears.  

Perks of Graduating from a Small School

Nine long years and I look back at the time when all my emotions were unbridled and all hormones raging- high school graduation. Although I was a nobody there, I am grateful that I studied in a small public high school. Not because I have smaller competition academically but because I was able to build relationships with my classmates. We do keep that special circle of friends but I know all my classmates on a personal level. In a class of less than 60, 2 sections since first year- I share a lot of memories with them. I can still recall the speech of the batch valedictorian stressing how after so many years, we will look back at both the happy and sad memories with a smile.

Being the introvert that I am, I do not have a lot of strong friends. Should I have been in a bigger school with more students, I might have been pushed to the side where nobody can remember me a year after high school. Nine years passed and I still have vivid recollections for each of my former classmates. Graduation day was a sad day for me. Graduations are a bit grand in the barrios, it is an opportunity to show off the cooking skills of mothers. After the ceremonies, all the graduates will go from house to house to partake of what each graduate prepared. Even if each house prepared all the same dishes, there is always room for some. 

Proof to my lack of friends is the number of people who came at my house. Only three of them came and might not have if not for the reason that they are too ashamed not to join me when I was with them the whole picture taking sessions. Looking at my graduation pictures, I have only 2 pictures with my teachers which is a testimony how distant and unpopular I was. Nevertheless I enjoyed high school graduation. It seems to be a portal for me to a wider selection of memories- memories when I was younger and is still dreaming where will I be. True enough, I look at all the memories whether happy or sad with a smile. Those are all the building blocks of what I am right now.