Hearts Sickness

The cold winds may have stopped with the passing of the Yuletide season but certainly, some winds are blowing hard this February making some hearts shiver in the cold. Either they have no homes to go to, no fireplaces to warm them, no arms to warm them, or are just left there outside in the cold.

I may blame the observance of the month of hearts this February that a lot of these hearts suddenly become aware of the loneliness and the miseries of being alone and missing out the real fun that comes from it. Added reason can be the outgoing prolonged observation of the Yuletide season that promotes the idea of malamig na Pasko. I believe it is overly patronized that Christmas should be spent with your love ones and that celebrating it alone is a big social dysfunction. I think not because the celebrations are also meant for singles to reflect how God blesses them with the comfort of being single. Having no one to think of besides yourself, having no one to devote your resources aside from your needs and most specially no one else to love but yourself. It is not exactly being selfish and self-centered because such mechanism is intended to mold, instill and store love inside a single person so that when the time comes when you find that better half- you are not amateur anymore on the aspect of love.

For it all begins with loving yourself and giving premium importance to your existence. Loneliness is not the absence of company but the absence of optimism to make most of what you have and be contented.

Looking Behind

It took me few days after the first day of the year 2012 before I am able to look back to the year where I almost reached my limits. For the first time in my life, it was on this year that I felt extreme physical, mental and emotional stress. I have no one to blame for I have brought this to myself.

From the start of the year, I am at a light disposition for I am at a realatively light job  and that changes that would change my flow was not see as imminent. Maybe it was during the mid of the year that my determination placed me ahead of my capacity. Now that I look back at how I managed to work full-time while working part time on the side and studying on top of it, I can congratulate myself. I have done what I have dreamt of doing but I left myself scarred and too tired to move on. It was all these activities that hastily exhausted all my reserved enthusiasm which could have lasted for years.

But I do not have regrets for pressing fast forward on the flow of my life. I do not feel it made me less of a person to let go of people who at times helped me make through all these ordeal but at the same time serves as my emotional baggage. I do not have regrets but I feel exhausted. Yes I am tired but not tired enough to turn all these things I have started into reality.