Shadows Fall

I just learned that my granny passed away today.

Is there such a thing as being prepared for the loss of someone dear? For if someone is really dear, no matter how much preparation is made there will always be the pain that will grip you. It is the sad thing with being born to a young family- you are not prepared for the shock of loss. You have known them to be vibrant and energetic forgetting that they too grow old and will someday go. Even if old age is bound to take them, it is still sad as the years of being connected with them made as much impact in your life.

It is a personal experience to have my grandparents and uncles while they are strong. I can vividly remember vacations filled with picnics by the river, swimming or just simply going to the fields together. The fields back home are heaven for the young as you get to find a lot of fruits and get to eat them while leisurely sitting under the shade of the tree. I have all remembered my relatives as strong and happy. 

A few years back one of my grandfathers died. It was so sudden that it took me by surprise. Some months passed and then an aunt died, and then an uncle and then an uncle and then a cousin and then a niece. The people I once knew and went home to during vacations are now gone.

Now that I am working and is usually out of Manila, I barely find time to go home to the province. One time when I was home, I visited my grandmother. I was shocked with what I saw, although she still remembers me she was already showing signs of old age. Nowhere was the chatty grandmother who managed to waylay a rabid dog only with a piece of firewood. My grandfather is old too. How I wish I can make more time to visit him and rekindle what we had. Even if he may not fully remember them. I will do the remembering for the two of us.Even if they have physically left us, we will always be together in my memories.

DIVA- divavae

I passed by some baklitas on my way to the airport. I smiled as I heard them belt out diva songs on the karaoke. I am sure one of them is Whitney Houston and the others can be Vinah Morales or Sharon Cuneta. This experience brought me back to the days when I became part of a production: the DIVA- divavae project. It was a 2 hour show about the question of who is the ultimate diva of them all. As the title implies, all of the characters are gays except for the love interest who appears to be manly but I have kept a different opinion of him even up to now.Just like in real life, no emerged the victor as all singers are supreme in their own rights.

Even way back college, I have dreamt of setting up an organization that will unite gays who think they are divas. I have met and have known a lot of these biriteras who would have gladly joined the organization should I have mustered enough courage to start it. What stopped me from doing so is the thought of a purpose. Way back then I cannot find a strong reason for the existence of such an organization. Will it merely be a special interest group and nothing else? I lack the vision back then.

So every time that I hit the karaoke and feel the urge to make birit- I have to endure the loneliness. Not that my girlfriends are no good singers but they can never replace the kind of singing baklita biriteras will give. Girls tend to be generous when singing with gays thinking that they are a bit superior when it comes to range. There is no thrill at all- I am always looking for the sapawan and the pataasan and the longest to breath portion.