The Arms that Hold me 2

As I shivered at the thought of my need for a prayer to start my day I stumbled at old memories that I wish I have managed to successfully shun away from my memory.  Scars as they say indicate the closure of the wounds but would always be reminders of how the pain felt. So here in the side of a hill watching the sun rise- i came at old memories of me and him looking at the sunrise. We were tucked in our room at a hotel along Roxas Boulevard as opposed to my position now shivering cold with the morning mountain breeze.  The shivering is more from the memory that from the crisp morning breeze.

Makes me wonder who he cuddles now in the likes of this cold morning. Makes me jealous every time I think of it. Some say that feeling bitter towards a former flame is a highschoolish thing. That being unable to move on speaks of the immaturity of the person. I beg to disagree for there are cases that is out of that scope. Maturity comes with deeply understanding your feelings, maturity comes with treasuring all dreams and aspirations that are all good and feasible, maturity brings about a good judgement of where the betterment of the many will entail the pain of a few.I think I am.

I whined as I laugh at how my story ended just like any other melodramatic story on TV. Two hearts torn apart by the dictates of the needs and the situations. Either their families would not agree of the relationship or money or business matters would interfere. I hope that would be the case since on those melodramas, the lovers separate ways but would find other partners who are comparable options for their old flames. That someone comparable never came and now I sit here in the hill side reminiscing bitterly. Or somehow just like in the dramas, they would eventually find courage to fight for their love and defy all odds.

So I stood up and sipped from the mug of the aromatic coffee prepared from burnt rice. Not a coffee drinker for a start, I have grown to love rice coffee for its subtler bitterness. Just like my feelings- subtle bitterness. What to do today is often a wonder. I have exhausted all the questions that I wish to be answered on how the rebels cook their food, where they source it, how they it and all. Those answers confused me more of the reasons that make them stay despite all these conditions. The harsh rains the other night made sleeping on the ground a challenge. Although we have built our huts in such manner that the rain will not penetrate, the crude surroundings will force all the forces to get in touch with whoever is inside. 

And then I asked myself why exactly am I doing this? I am not convinced with the reason of getting the feel of the rebels to accurately get into their mind set. For some of my companions maybe that is a plausible reason. But I know deep inside me that the bigger reason would be the opportunity to device ways to get even with those that caused me pain. Bitterness really is capable of corrupting the heart. With that in mind, I stood up and prepared for my breakfast for I am bound to meet someone in an hour. I shall eat with appetite for the realization of my revenge is at hand.The mind after all is a slave of the heart.