How awkward can it be to see that your best friend is bound to be married to the man you have loved the most in your life? I used to laugh at dramas like this for I was thinking that once the mind gets over things, the heart gets over too. I guess I was wrong again for no matter how much I deny the truth, it is true that I feel envious towards a friend who will be marrying soon the one that got away. The endless barrage of "what ifs" still haunt me every time I see them together.
I will not play the part of the bitter gourd who will make the lives of the protagonists miserable by spending everything on my disposal just to prove my pain. For it is just a slight pain- a pinch in the heart that reminds you of possibilities with the one that got away. Endless questions whether you could have been happier and more fulfilled if you could have pushed for your feelings harder. Painful it is but not bitter. I do find joy in the realization that my friend will be happy and that they are fit together. Ironic that you wish them well yet somewhere in your heart you wish that the situation could have been better if partners can be interchanged.
It will be so much fun if they will invite me to their wedding. I might come in full regalia. I might come with the band. I might come with all the boldness I can gather. I might put my best game face on and greet the newly weds while looking intently at the guy expecting him to react the same way I imagined. Am I sounding bitter now? Maybe not attending at all is a better option. No reasons for them to invite me anyway and no chances for any seed of bitterness within my heart to be liberated. Hoping someday, all the pain that is there no matter how small will be the one that will go away.
I will not play the part of the bitter gourd who will make the lives of the protagonists miserable by spending everything on my disposal just to prove my pain. For it is just a slight pain- a pinch in the heart that reminds you of possibilities with the one that got away. Endless questions whether you could have been happier and more fulfilled if you could have pushed for your feelings harder. Painful it is but not bitter. I do find joy in the realization that my friend will be happy and that they are fit together. Ironic that you wish them well yet somewhere in your heart you wish that the situation could have been better if partners can be interchanged.
It will be so much fun if they will invite me to their wedding. I might come in full regalia. I might come with the band. I might come with all the boldness I can gather. I might put my best game face on and greet the newly weds while looking intently at the guy expecting him to react the same way I imagined. Am I sounding bitter now? Maybe not attending at all is a better option. No reasons for them to invite me anyway and no chances for any seed of bitterness within my heart to be liberated. Hoping someday, all the pain that is there no matter how small will be the one that will go away.
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