First Honor

Para sa isang musmos, mistulang isang biyaya ang pagkakaroon ng mga karangalan habang ikaw ay nag-aaral pa. Sa iyong pagtanda at pagkatapos ng ilang taon mula sa pag-aaral, mararamdaman mong ang mga ito'y kalakip palang bigat. Minsan ito ang nagtutulak sa atin para magtagumpay ngunit may mga pagkakataon ding ito ang nagiging paala-ala sa ating mga kabiguan. 

Kung iyong aaalalahanin kung sino ang naging first honor noong nagtapos kayo noong elementarya o di kaya ay noong secondarya, ang malimit na tanong ay " Saan na kaya siya?', "Ano na kaya siya ngayon?". Iisiping kadalasan na maaring sila ay nagtagumapay sa kanilang buhay at karera sapagkat noong kayo ay mga mag-aaral pa lamang ay sila na ang tinitingala. Ngunit ganoon nga ba ang nangyayari?

Nagmula ako sa maliit na pamayanan kung saan ang mga nagiging kamag-aral mo sa elementarya ay siya ding magiging kamag-aral mo hanggang secondarya. Kilala ninyo ang bawat isa at maaring hanggang kolehiyo ay alam niyo pa din ang balita sa isa't-isa. Kung titignan ko lahat ang mga naging first honor mula sa aking maliit na paaralan, maari kong sabihin na sa kanilang mga klase, hindi sila ang naging pinakatagumpay.

Mula sa punto de bista ng isang ordinaryong kamag-aral maaring nakakainggit naman ang first honor na ito sapagkat sila ang mga may pagkakataong bigyan ng katupan ang pangarap sa mas malalaki at kilalang mga unibersidad. Maaring gamiting puhunan ang pagiging first honor para makapasok sa mas magagandang mga paaralan. Ngunit paano kaya ang sa punto de bista ng isang first honor? Hindi kaya masyadong mabigat kasi inaasahan nilang lahat na ikaw ay magtatagumpay? Ano kaya ang kahihinatnan kapag nasa loob ka na ng kilalang unibersidad kung saan ang galing mo at talino ay sa ordinaryo lamang? Ang mga first honor ay hindi sanay na bumabagsak kaya ano kayang bigat ng kabiguan ang tatama sa kanila sakaling ito ay kanilang mapagdaanan?

May mga kilala akong mga tao na ordinaryo lamang noong makatapos noong secondarya ngunit matatagumpay na ngayon. Ang ilan sa kanila ay karaniwang pakutyang linya ang "Nasaan na ba yung mga honor noon?". Mistulang may pagkaka utang o pagkakasala  ang first honor noon sa kanila? Kasalanan ba nila kung ninais na lamang nilang mamuhay ng payak at tahakin ang mas simpleng buhay? Ngunit ang hirap ipaliwanag na ang bawat tao ay may kanya-kanyang sukatan ng tagumpay. Kahit mga first honor ay tao lamang. 

Happy Valentines Ja

I am convinced that I am destined to love a J. Most if not all of my few love interests are J's. Now that I think of it, I am wondering whether  I have been conditioned to be so. That will not be a wonder though for in the alphabet K(im) stands closely to the J. Does it follow that K will always be after J? 

I should thank these few Js because they have been instrumental to my emotional maturity. My high school J inspired me to sail through academics and the surge of teeny emotions. He made me stoic. My college J remains to be my eternal crush. He inspired me to be faithful. Across those relationships, I have always been loyal to the memory of him. The post college J served as my mentor in getting through the idealism of fresh gradutes. He guided me by putting a little direction to my once messy plans in life.

These Js are not bad at all. In fact they are good players in their own game- smart, articulate, decisive and good looking if you may ask. They deserve only the best. Sad to say that the best of me can never be fit for them for they are mere mortals. My Jupiter might be waiting for this lady to be home in Olympus. Maybe just maybe. 

Discrimination Begins at Home

What hurts the most if you are gay is to find your immediate family discriminating you. I am ever grateful that my family is ever supportive of what I am and what I do. Having grown in a society where gays are frowned upon, I am thankful that I was spared from more painful memories. Not that I do not have my share of sad stories related to my gender but at least the support shown by my family cushioned it a lot.

I was reading through the anecdotes of the just concluded town fiesta of my hometown when I came across a post of some boys dancing with skirts on. Cross dressing is always a hit and I appreciate it that the presentations at the town gathering included such activities that normalize such practice. What infuriated me were the comments of some people I know. They mentioned names of gays at a very demeaning tone. Much more, these gays are even their relatives. Even if that was not me, it hurts to find the very people you expect to understand you the very people who initiates an avenue for ridicule. 

Let us not blame the remoteness of our town to the backwardness of our understanding towards gender.  As a tourist destination, we are exposed to an overdose of culture, personalities, practices, quirks and gender. We have long been connected to the mainstream media and that internet is not just a thing to imagine. What is stopping us from evolving from the culture of discrimination.

The comments of those few are not my only indicators of what I claim as a traditional discrimination of my kind. There are a lot more. Getting discriminated from a discriminated community doubles the pain. Will there be a time when we as a community can treat each other as equals? I hope I can see that in my lifetime- for I am definitely working my butt off to be at par with the best of the heterosexuals. Call it over compensation but for me it is just doing my part.