People will never see me as smart. They will always see me as funny, friendly, entertaining... adjectives on this side only. I have gone through a lot of team building activities where the facilitator asks everyone to tape a paper on their back and ask everyone to write an impression of each person- I have never gotten smart among those descriptions but funny and entertaining always made an appearance.
Even in conferences that I have attended, they will always ask me to do the hosting when things go boring and not when things go intellectual. More often than not I do the ice breakers than deliver the meat of the conference. If I will ask some of my classmates before or my colleagues from my past jobs, I might get the same answer as those derived from the "paper on the back" activity. I am afraid to do that and will just settle to this delusion that somehow a small fraction of those who know me find me witty together with being funny and friendly.
I have struggled with this when I have tried to teach at a tertiary institution. I was not confident whether the students will view me as a credible teacher or just a comical one. Will the two never point to the same direction? I have often heard that comics are witty people but with how I think people perceive me, I do not find consolation in that popular belief.
I long for the day when I can be regarded as a credible expert on things. That when I share what I know, people will not wait for the punchline thinking that it was some kind of a joke in the making. I have often blamed the way I carry myself with how I am perceived but I cannot change it- it is who I am. Self-expression really comes at a cost but maybe someday things will fall to place.
Even in conferences that I have attended, they will always ask me to do the hosting when things go boring and not when things go intellectual. More often than not I do the ice breakers than deliver the meat of the conference. If I will ask some of my classmates before or my colleagues from my past jobs, I might get the same answer as those derived from the "paper on the back" activity. I am afraid to do that and will just settle to this delusion that somehow a small fraction of those who know me find me witty together with being funny and friendly.
I have struggled with this when I have tried to teach at a tertiary institution. I was not confident whether the students will view me as a credible teacher or just a comical one. Will the two never point to the same direction? I have often heard that comics are witty people but with how I think people perceive me, I do not find consolation in that popular belief.
I long for the day when I can be regarded as a credible expert on things. That when I share what I know, people will not wait for the punchline thinking that it was some kind of a joke in the making. I have often blamed the way I carry myself with how I am perceived but I cannot change it- it is who I am. Self-expression really comes at a cost but maybe someday things will fall to place.
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