Out of the Shadows

The dust has settled and now we see those victors brandishing their trophies and to those unfortunate left to lick their wounds. But who ever said that losing cannot be done fashionably? That is why I love gays, most of them see optimism even when the times are bleakest.

I admire the audacity of a person for attempting a public office at our place where gays are moderately accepted. We are a minority in a minority. The attempt to have an LGBT representation in the local legislation  is truly commendable.

Never mind that this person eventually lost to more popular candidates. It is still a success for he paved the way of possibilities. I hope this will serve as inspiration for the others to also attempt and step out of the convention that gays belong to the parlor. Despite over performing in the fields that they choose, gays in the locality are confined to the age-old belief that they can go no further than the parlor.

I have had these conversations with some people from my locality who dismiss my sentiment of  LGBT marginalization as a mere display of my pessimism. I think my fellow LGBT's would agree that we are not feeling that "acceptance" that you attempt to show. I am positive that we are not oppressing ourselves.

I am hopeful that this person will still pursue on the next elections. That way, we normalize the presence of capable LGBT's in the local deciding body. Let us start in our families and in our localities for these are the building blocks of the society.

During this election, I just stood in the side lines. I have almost given up. But we do not come across courageous gays all the time. Next time I will stand by him and so should the others.

LATEten Reflection

I do remember a moment in the past when we had something special. Not necessarily in the romantic sense but I have felt and seen that indeed we shared something special. Afraid to challenge conventions, I opted the easy way out which was to shut you out and resorted to anger as my way of coping. As both of us confessed, we pursued life with heavy emotions towards that botched "something special". Despite moving it to the cellars of my memories, it has always persisted.

I acted the way I did for I felt insufficient- I have always felt unworthy. What stories will I share with you? What maturity will I show you? What strength will I give to nourish that "something special".  I thought that just me was not enough and that I must enrich myself.

After a few years of enriching myself, I tried to come back and make amends. But you have moved out of your old self which I have used as a benchmark and moved on into something greater. I was once again consumed by the thought that what I have worked hard for all those years have been naught because I was still not worthy.

I have always dreamed of that day when we can comfortably talk and settle these differences that have hounded me for so long.  Despite the years of these wounds, I have never grown immune to the pain- I long for healing.

I have to strive harder to be better and I thought I did succeed. I have fulfilled most of the plans I have at this point in my life, I have pursued the education that I want, I have enriched myself with the experiences, I have traveled far to get stories to share, I have met a lot of people and have packed myself with all the confidence and strength that I think we will both benefit from.

But you are abruptly  gone and I realize how I have always pursued something that might have not mattered. Maybe I will still be hounded by the wounds that we have not healed but I will live. Thank you for teaching me how to be content and to be proud of what I am and what I have.