Out of the Shadows

The dust has settled and now we see those victors brandishing their trophies and to those unfortunate left to lick their wounds. But who ever said that losing cannot be done fashionably? That is why I love gays, most of them see optimism even when the times are bleakest.

I admire the audacity of a person for attempting a public office at our place where gays are moderately accepted. We are a minority in a minority. The attempt to have an LGBT representation in the local legislation  is truly commendable.

Never mind that this person eventually lost to more popular candidates. It is still a success for he paved the way of possibilities. I hope this will serve as inspiration for the others to also attempt and step out of the convention that gays belong to the parlor. Despite over performing in the fields that they choose, gays in the locality are confined to the age-old belief that they can go no further than the parlor.

I have had these conversations with some people from my locality who dismiss my sentiment of  LGBT marginalization as a mere display of my pessimism. I think my fellow LGBT's would agree that we are not feeling that "acceptance" that you attempt to show. I am positive that we are not oppressing ourselves.

I am hopeful that this person will still pursue on the next elections. That way, we normalize the presence of capable LGBT's in the local deciding body. Let us start in our families and in our localities for these are the building blocks of the society.

During this election, I just stood in the side lines. I have almost given up. But we do not come across courageous gays all the time. Next time I will stand by him and so should the others.

LATEten Reflection

I do remember a moment in the past when we had something special. Not necessarily in the romantic sense but I have felt and seen that indeed we shared something special. Afraid to challenge conventions, I opted the easy way out which was to shut you out and resorted to anger as my way of coping. As both of us confessed, we pursued life with heavy emotions towards that botched "something special". Despite moving it to the cellars of my memories, it has always persisted.

I acted the way I did for I felt insufficient- I have always felt unworthy. What stories will I share with you? What maturity will I show you? What strength will I give to nourish that "something special".  I thought that just me was not enough and that I must enrich myself.

After a few years of enriching myself, I tried to come back and make amends. But you have moved out of your old self which I have used as a benchmark and moved on into something greater. I was once again consumed by the thought that what I have worked hard for all those years have been naught because I was still not worthy.

I have always dreamed of that day when we can comfortably talk and settle these differences that have hounded me for so long.  Despite the years of these wounds, I have never grown immune to the pain- I long for healing.

I have to strive harder to be better and I thought I did succeed. I have fulfilled most of the plans I have at this point in my life, I have pursued the education that I want, I have enriched myself with the experiences, I have traveled far to get stories to share, I have met a lot of people and have packed myself with all the confidence and strength that I think we will both benefit from.

But you are abruptly  gone and I realize how I have always pursued something that might have not mattered. Maybe I will still be hounded by the wounds that we have not healed but I will live. Thank you for teaching me how to be content and to be proud of what I am and what I have.

Archiving Culture

I remember how my final college year was spent researching on the impact of tourism to the rice wine production of Sagada. Almost five years passed and I believe I can see the validation of my findings. I cannot be happier with the grade I got in exchange for the fervor that I have spent on the research. I am happiest however with the fact that I was on the right track on thinking that at some point in time, the rice wine production will be split into the type that is palatable to tourism and the type that will adhere to the traditional taste. Afraid though that the findings might imply the possibility of a traditional practice of wine making being forgotten in exchange for commercial acceptance.

I fear that a commercially driven production might harm the traditional identity of the rice wine. I fear that the children of tomorrow might not know the authentic taste and value of tapey and will just be relying on what is commercially available as a reference. I hope that these fears will not be validated soon.

Maybe the reason why I wanted to write this blog was to give a warning of the possibilities that we will likely face should we trade tradition with profit and convenience. Some might ask why I am so strong on safeguarding tradition and identity, for what are we without them? Today it might be case of the wine and tomorrow it might be our whole identity.

I went home  recently and saw some tell-tale of these happening. For example, I was dismayed at the quality of the nilapet being sold these days. I was expecting a larger piece with some sweet nut fillings- I got a lousy excuse of a kakanin. That may be harsh but what does that reflect of the community distinguished at priding this delicacy? The only solution I can think of is the active participation of today's generation in the documentation and preservation of these practices.

My Best Friend's Weeding

Behind every bride is that best friend who has been with them throughout the way and who is as excited as the bride.  We may not call each other that way these days but I hope I was on that level once upon a time. The mixed emotions of joy and sadness also grip me.We both made plans of her wedding day and I would love to see her walk the aisle into the love of her life. But unlike all those bestfriends, I will not be seated in front for I am not sure if I am welcome. 

Whatever happened to us?

We've been friends since forever. Despite all the rifts that we had in the past, we remained close and acted as support for each other. We boosted each others morale during those times when our careers were just gaining momentum and comforted each other during the trying times. I have always viewed the friendship as the closest I ever had but I guess we do not share opinions.

Imagine having a friend whom you can lean on in times of pain and celebrate with in times of joy, won't you place your full trust in them? I guess I have been unfair in treating our friendship that way.  I see friendship as few but deep relationships while you view it as a party. Nevertheless, looking back at the years of friendship I have no regrets but pure gratitude for standing by me despite all those insecurities I have. Whatever your intentions maybe or whether you were completely honest or not are all water under the bridge now. 

We have separated ways and have not talked for a long time. A lot of our common friends are asking whatever happened to the duo who seemed tight once upon a time. I offered no answers until now. We have finally arrived at the same definition of friendship where there is no space for assumptions. We now have a clear view of how we stand in our lives and there are no more ill feelings for the shortcomings of a friend.

I hope that on your wedding day you too weed out all the hate you have towards me. While I wish you the best in life, I ask for your forgiveness for the years that I lacked the courage and enthusiasm to give our friendship a chance.I hope that you have picked up something when our roads met in this highway called life.

Even The Mountains Need Some Rest

While some of my town folks are sulking at the fact that the rainy season signals the decline in the tourist traffic in our town, here I am rejoicing. I really should thank the rainy season for making the trails and roads less appealing with the mud and the increased difficulty to travel. While some might hate the rains for pulling down their sales and sources of income, I think nature deserves this opportunity to breathe after getting battered.

Having witnessed first hand how tourists of all sorts flocked to a small town, I cringe at the thought of how exhausted Mother Earth must be for accommodating so much. Use a machine continuously and the life span will surely decrease. What more for the elements in our environment that take time to rejuvenate? Unlike machines, both biotic and abiotic components lack the luxury of immediate replacement when damaged.

I am hoping that even when the establishments and individuals directly depending on the tourism for income source are saddened by the rains, they will still appreciate the fact that Mother Nature needs this break. I am also hoping that the local government in partnership with private groups initiate an assessment of the areas that are critically affected and impose closure of these areas to facilitate self-healing. I believe these make our approach to tourism more systematic and sustainable.

The key to not losing the place we call home to tourism is active local community involvement and scientific approach in managing the demons that come with it. Let us not be blinded by the short term gains that we currently enjoy- there is no greater gain in life than seeing the future generation enjoy and enrich what you have enjoyed in your time. Taking care of the environment does not require more than that desire to stop being selfish and care for humanity as a whole. Adi tako bukudan nan gawis.  

Minsan sa May Kalayaan

I remember how ten years ago in the summer of 2005, me and my sister set foot in UP Diliman for the enrollment- her for her last year in the university and me as a clueless freshman. I am not sure if I was the only freshman with no parents in tow- just a sister who was also busy collecting her class cards in preparation for her enrollment. Excitement overpowered that fear of entering the university for I have heard a lot of inspiring stories from my sister. How students go to class with the clothes they wore last night, with how cheap the things are, with the type of exams, with the brilliance of the other students and with the beauty of living inside a dorm.

Indeed the university dorm life made my stay in the university bearable and fun. I have acquired friends who remain to be my friends to this day and some inspiring acquaintances who are nice to run into now that we are in the corporate world. Living in a dorm offered an opportunity for a balance of the pressures of the academics and the demands of the soul for social interaction. I will never regret living in a dorm all my college years.

A month ago I attended a launch of a program aiming at raising funds for the rehabilitation of the dorms. I met a lot of old faces at the event- some of those remember me and maybe more cannot. But who cares, it is still extremely inspiring to look at these people and see how far they have gone in life. Although it saddens me not see some of my residents when I had a brief stint as a Resident Assistant at the Kalayan Residence Hall, looking at all these familliar faces and spaces is more than enough. I cannot ask more for I have seen my sweet college professor, my former dorm managers, my sisters in crime and have even visited my old rooms.

I know a lot of successful people (including my room mates hahahahha) who have stayed at the dorms in UP. I hope and pray they will help the university in preserving these structures that served as a home during our college days and now a memorial of those memories that have lead us to where we are now.

photo from http://upd.edu.ph/~updinfo/apr15/articles/balikUPDormGallery.html

photo from http://upd.edu.ph/~updinfo/apr15/articles/balikUPDormGallery.html

Coming Home

I have literally flown all the way home for the homecoming early this month. I have boarded a plane from Surigao, boarded a bus to Baguio in Cubao upon arrival, and finally boarded the bus to Sagada. On top of those, I have boarded a banca and a lot of taxis in between. I have braved all those in the name of the homecoming 2015.

For most, homecomings are intended to rekindle the past by meeting the old faces and reminiscing all those silly moments. For some including me, it is our way of showing our gratitude of our roots. If the former would have been my primary reason, it was a disappointment for only I showed for our batch. I am aware of some batch mates who settled in the locality yet failed to show at the event. I understand them for they have their reasons.Seeing old faces those of my generation and beyond is already a rewarding experience. How many of these old faces have inspired me into what I am today? The list is endless.

For how can I not attend an event if I have practically grown with the school? The school is the very reason why we are now residing in Sagada. My father hails from Sabangan and my mother from Tadian making us "dayos" on where we now call home. Ever since I was a child, my mother would bring me occasionally to school. I remember playing with those potted plants-sipping the sweet nectar and popping their buds. I remember playing with the stapler and getting my hands stapled. Along the way some of our students became our kuyas/ates.

Growing older I have constantly witnessed school affairs through my mother. Some of my projects during my elementary days had their inspirations from the works of my mother's students. Then it was time for me to be in high school and I attended school here. Graduating from it's portals, I am proud to say that I am a product of a quality public education institution.

So you see I cannot blame those other batch mates of mine if they have not shown up during the event. Among all of us, I am the most expected to be there for I have spent a longer part of my life there. I have attended not just for myself but also for my siblings who have gone through the same way as I did. We will always treasure the school because it was the reason why we have belonged to the community. Even if my mother does not teach there anymore or that me and my siblings rarely come home, the school and the community occupy a permanent slot in our hearts.

Live long Bangaan High.