What the Mind Forgets

Who can blame the mind if it pushes back sadness, pain, rejection and all negatives at the dark phantom  and leaves the happy thoughts on easy retrieval? Somehow what the mind vainly tries to forget, the heart remembers. If this is the price to pay for retaining someone dear in my memory then I will gladly pay the price.

I am always good at anniversaries. I remember the birthdays, the weddings, christening, first meeting, first date, first gift, first kiss and death. Being a sentimental person, I have kept mementoes of these events in the past- from a simple candy wrapper to an elaborate wedding invitation. Almost a year passed when someone dear died for a greater cause. It would have been easier if he had died of old age or even of sickness but not with the way he did. Never in my thoughts have I imagined him to die unceremoniously.

A lot of those close to us might argue unceremoniously because of the nature of his job. Having your life constantly on the line is a peril of his job. The recognitions that came post-humously may also be cited as a great contradiction to unceremoniously. But I beg to differ for despite all of these, I find it the death untimely. It caught me by surprise. It caught us all by surprise. It placed us all in grief. 

One might think that I feel this way because of my selfish reasons. That I have not said what I needed to say and what he needed to hear. We have not closed wounds from the past. Maybe it is true that it feels unfair to be left here with all the guilt and regrets. It feels painfully unfair to be explaining with the void after years of gathering courage to speak up. 

Maybe his death will be forgotten by the nation he died for. Maybe he will just be seen as another necessary casualty for the greater cause. Maybe he will. But I am sure that he will live forever in my memory- what the mind forgets, the heart will always remember.